the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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