Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize