Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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