My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You've changed since you got that strap on
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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