He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
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hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
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I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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