I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize