why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
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I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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