Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
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We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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