hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have tasted many bathrooms
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize