A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize