Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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