i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
