good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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