party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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