morning after pill = breakfast in bed
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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