New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize