My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Terrible idea I love it
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