is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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