What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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