so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
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He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
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WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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