possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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