Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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