i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
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Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
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came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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