I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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