This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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