I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
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Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize