is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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