I have demons in me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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