it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
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i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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