so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
