PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
3 2 1 whiskey
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I want a musical about memes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize