Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
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She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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