Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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