there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How naked do you want me to be?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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