We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
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trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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