I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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