what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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