And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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