I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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