Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
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Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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