Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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