Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
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My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
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I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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