Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize