Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
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Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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