You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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