how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
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You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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