Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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