My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize