btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize