theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize