I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize